Good, bad, I'm the girl with the pitchfork

Here's a brief view into the ridiculous way my mind works, and the breakthrough I had tonight in dealing with it.

I had to do nightfeed tonight. That means going back to the park late at night and checking all of the animal enclosures to be sure the animals are staying in and hobos are staying out. Then I feed the elephants, clean a few things and go home. People have asked me before if I get scared being there all alone in the dark looking for people who might have crept in and may be hiding somewhere. I don't usually. I got scared when the huge male lion pounced at me and there was only a little chain-link fence between me and 700 pounds of ferociousness. Otherwise, no, I don't get scared. I get paranoid.

Tonight I was feeding with a pitchfork. This prevents hay getting suck in your hands, all over your clothes, and in your pockets. It is my preferred way of feeding at night. Also, it means I don't have to carry a hook. In any emergency situation, a pitchfork can act as a hook. Actually, it can act as 4 or 5 hooks depending on the type of fork. Anyway, not important. So, I am walking past the wall of bamboo that lines the pathway which we feed the elephants on pitchfork full of hay, when I suddenly my heart skips and I think I may have just seen a face. 'Keep walking. You didn't do a double-take, so if someone is in the bamboo, they don't know that you know they are there. You can turn around to go get more hay and just kind of look out of the corner of your eye to see if you can get a glimpse, but don't react. If there is someone, and they decide to come out, good thing you've got a pitchfork! But maybe they know you've seen them, and you're pretending you didn't, and you've got this pitchfork, so they'll wait 'til your back is turned... Wait a second. If there is someone in the bamboo, why am I going to wait and see what happens? Why would I give them the power to scare me? And if there is no one in the bamboo, it certainly won't matter if I do THIS!'

HIYAUGHHHH!!!! I spun around and stabbed the bamboo as hard as I could.

Turns out there was nobody there. But I felt much better. I think I understand better why Don Quixote fought the windmills. Even if, or especially if, the monster is only in your mind, you have to kill it. The real crazies are the ones who refuse to fight something that isn't real, but make it real by obsessing about it.

All I know is that bamboo is going to think twice before it ever messes with me.